No Mormon President for Me!

There is shocking news that Republican contender, Mitt Romney is descended from polygamists. Although the Federal government marched into Utah to force Mormons to give up polygamy about 30 years after it marched into South Carolina to force Southern Baptists to give up slavery, being descended from slaveholders like George Bush is one thing but being descended from polygamists is quite another. Have you ever heard of anyone good descending from polygamists? Ok, so there was that Jesus fellow who performed a lot of miracles but aside from rescuing the Salt Lake City Olympics and getting Massachusetts to vote Republican, what miraculous things has Romney done? Ok, so maybe he is a bit of a miracle worker, but can you imagine him as President? Sure he might balance the budget, win the war in Iraq, bring peace to Palestine and convince Leiberman to see the light and finally switch parties, but what then? Edwards might realize that the only reason there are two Americas is because he and his trial-lawyer buddies sued the crap out of one them. Can imagine how bored you would be without the warning labels to read while you enjoy a hot beverage or apple turnover at McDonalds. Barach and Hilary might start getting along, again. How dangerous is that? Or worse Bill and Hilary could fall in love for real and take to dancing on the beach again! Yuck! I couldn't take it the first time. No, thank you! No Romney for me. I wonder what McCain's and Julianni's great-grandfathers were up to.

And a new study out today reports that liberals that go into science are 50 times as likely to suffer from hyperopia (that's far-sightedness for those whose brains have been burned out by too many Kerry speeches). A spokesman for the study said, "Liberal scientists seem to be able to see far into the future or far into the past but are otherwise clueless concerning more recent events." As evidence researchers point to a recent announcement that liberal scientists have found the tomb of Jesus and a child said to be Jesus' son from some 2,000 years ago. This while they have no idea where to look for former Teamster boss Jimmy Hoffa who disappeared just thiry years ago and the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is a total mystery. They also point out that these scientists can predict the climate 100 years from now while weather a week from now is still quite iffy. And while liberal scientists can tell us that people came from apes, much to Hilary Clinton's chagrin, Barach Obama seems to have come out of nowhere.