Obama Saves the Military; Obliterates Pirates

President Obama orders the military to take out the Somali pirates and, boom, they’re dead. No such thing could have happened if Obama had not been there. When Bush was President, the surge in Iraq under Secretary Gates and the military leadership was a complete failure. Candidate Obama educated us at the time that violence ceased only because of factors having nothing to do with the military. Now that Obama is president, the military is being redeployed to Afghanistan under the direction of Secretary Gates and the exact same military leadership. However, with Obama in the White House, we all know that the surge will succeed this time, quelling recriminations and attacks throughout Afghanistan, Pakistan and maybe even the Clinton household in upstate New York.

North Korea under Bush thought nothing of building facilities to produce nuclear weapons and testing missiles. Now they have taken Obama’s lead and appointed a committee to look into perhaps closing down their nuclear facilities someday, maybe. Their report is due out shortly after Obama’s committee reports on looking into perhaps closing Guantanamo prison someday, maybe. And instead of testing a missile they opted recently to launch a satellite into space to study global warming. Don’t tell me it doesn’t exist!

And now those evil pirates have been dispatched without so much as a Hilary-Clinton/Barney-Frank committee looking into the pirates’ feelings to determine what the Bush Administration did to make them act this way. Don’t tell me that taxing your great-great grandchildren into oblivion doesn’t have its benefits. Just wait until we get Cap and Trade. The pirates have vowed revenge. Perhaps they will send us a letter on UN letterhead tell us how upset they are at us (I’m sure there’s a lot of UN letterhead floating around Somalia). You know how devastating this kind of tactic has been to Iran. Or maybe they will send us a video tape from a cave threatening us with eternal damnation, or worse, universal health care. I hope not. The last video tape scared the French so much, they almost withdrew from Paris. Chirac would be so upset that the next time Obama visited France, he might actually have to kiss the prime minister’s wife.