A hundred days into the Obama presidency and now he has a crisis where he can really shine: swine flu. Now he can show how liberal principles can be used on this critical situation. As a fellow liberal, I would like to suggest the following approach.
1. Announce that swine flu is a result of the reckless policies of the Bush administration and that Obama inherited the situation. Imply that it has become rampant in Mexico because Bush hates Mexicans and wants them all to die.
2. Announce a guest-worker visa program for Mexicans suffering from swine flu to come to the US for free health care and voter registration.
3. Sue all schools that have shut down for violating the civil rights of those that have contracted the disease. Parents who insist on keeping their kids out of school should be called racist germaphobes.
4. Pass out masks in school and spend $10 billion to educate students on safe breathing practices and how to use the masks correctly. Have them practice putting the masks on cantaloupes or watermelons until they get it right.
5. Sue the swine-producing industry for manufacturing such a deadly disease. Some may argue that pigs have nothing to do with it but we know Big Swine is behind it!
6. Tax and regulate the swine-production industry into financial ruin and then propose universal pig care as the solution to the nation’s woes.
By the time we are done the disease will have run its course (same as if we had done nothing) but we will have nationalized yet one more fine American industry and put the ownership of all pork right where it belongs: Washington!
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