The Bush Made Me Do It!

As President Obama’s approval ratings drop, it is important to remember an important fact. This poignant fact was repeated this week in recent speeches made by the president including the momentous speech in Norway this week. The problems we face in this country are actually George Bush’s fault. In a speech to the UN in 2006, Hugo Chavez told us the reason why Bush is so ominous; he is the devil. Chavez’s nose, which is extraordinarily large and sensitive, could even smell the sulfur as Bush left the chamber. It is natural that Bush, being the devil, would sabotage the most historic presidency in history, that of the great American messiah, the great Barack Obama. The evidence of this sabotage is clear if you just look for it.

First, there is the war. Bush used torture to get information that ended the fight in Iraq. The fighters have gone to Afghanistan to embarrass Obama who said this was the necessary war. Now Obama has to send more troops even as he received his well-deserved Peace Prize. How embarrassing is that?

And just look at the horrible economy Bush left. While Barney Frank and Chris Dodd were in Congress trying to get Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to lend money for homes to poor minorities, the evil George Bush was out there touting that home ownership was at its highest, as if he were responsible for it. He knew these mortgage companies were on the verge of collapse and even convinced them to give copious amounts of money to Dodd and Obama (the highest two recipients of cash, in fact) just so these great individuals would be tainted when the scandal broke. At the end of Bush’s term, he abandoned the free market, not because he believed it would save the economy, but because he wanted Obama to be branded a socialist. In fact, Bush started months earlier to send evil brain waves to Obama to force him to vote so liberal in the senate that he would be rated the most liberal of all senators. Then during the campaign, Obama broke away from his liberal sins by telling us moderate things like “a government takeover of health care is over-kill.” Just when Obama had come to his senses, Bush tricked him into approving a multi-billion dollar stimulus package. Obama recently pointed out how flawed that package was but everyone knows it was passed during the Bush administration without any input whatsoever from Obama and any enthusiastic support Obama may have expressed at the time were just more of Bush’s evil brain waves. Even the press knows that, which is why they never play clips of Obama talking as if the stimulus package had been his idea.

Furthermore, there are these outrageous deficits. Obama keeps reminding us that we need to do something about the spending. But Bush’s evil brain waves have overrun the Congress which keeps passing more spending and they keep tricking the President into signing them. Recently the banks paid back the TARP money and now the Devil Bush has got Congress talking about spending it instead of paying back the deficit. Money meant for stimulus has been spent on projects no sane person would invest in. An example is an airport in rural Pennsylvania servicing fewer than 10,000 people per year but it got $800,000 in stimulus money. But does Bush get blamed for whispering evil seductions in lawmakers’ ears? No, he convinces people to name it after Congressman John Murtha, as if Murtha had anything to do with it. How evil is that?!

And what about the fight over health care. When Bush was president, the Republicans went along with expanding Medicare. Now that Obama needs them, they all stand together in stern opposition. Some of them claimed they learned a lesson from 2008 but we all know it is Bush whispering in their ear to oppose Obama. Even some Democrats are succumbing to Bush’s evil whisperings and are opposing things such as publicly funded abortions. Since when did Democrats start opposing free abortions? You know evil forces are at work when that starts happening. Some fearless souls, such as Harry Reed, know that the American people demand health care reform. But when pollsters go out to measure the support, Bush causes them to misprint the result, showing the opposite of the truth. People have attempted to turn out in droves in support of health care reform but Bush has been so powerful in keeping them from turning out at the rallies that network news teams have had to do close-ups on all ten demonstrators who managed to escape Bush’s grasp so that people think millions showed up, which was what would have happened if Bush’s evil brain waves had not gotten in the way. Meanwhile fringe movements, such as the tea-party movement, have otherwise peace-loving people filled with Nazi hate and showing up to oppose the benevolence of the great Obama. Only evil forces, like that mustered by Bush, could behind all this.

Now 2010 approaches, an election year. Things will go badly for the Democrats if unemployment does not come down and the economy does not start growing again. Obama has done everything he can to spend our way back to prosperity, and in spite of huge employment gains in government, Bush’s hold on greedy corporations and business owners has them hoarding their money instead of hiring. This has caused unemployment to rise above even Joe Biden’s highest estimate and we know he is always right otherwise. And just when Bush’s evil friends, the Rich, have been brought to their knees, evil brain waves have penetrated Congressmen who suggest we cut taxes to stimulate the economy. These good soldiers, who were expected to lay down their congressional seats for Pelosi and Reed’s agenda, are now trying to save themselves from the unemployment lines. Even Obama has suggested tax cuts for small business owners. (Et tu, Obama?)

So as we move into the new year, try to focus on important things like global warming and the terrorist trials in New York exposing the evil plots of the Bush administration. Be patient as we sacrifice jobs, wealth and even the Constitution as the Democrats try to save us from Bush and his evil wealth-creating brain waves. And if Obama cracks once in a while and suggests tax cuts or fighting terrorist abroad, cut him some slack. After all, the Bush made him do it!